the fight for femininity

I remember a time that I rolled my eyes anytime I heard someone refer to "women's rights" or "feminism." Maybe it's just me but terms like these typically bring to my mind the cynical, man-hating woman who believes that women are superior creatures who ought to be running the world while men either die off as a species completely, or put on an apron and assume submissive roles.  I want nothing to do with this perspective. While this extreme and radical feminism claims to want equality for women, in reality it is actually an agenda promoting the superiority of women . . . that is not equality, my friend. God has made men and women equal, yet unique, so that they are compatible, offering different perspectives and gifts to each other so that we can be used to teach one another more about our Creator and His love for us.  Attempting to turn ourselves into men and beat them at their own game (while abandoning our femininity) is not in any way honoring womanhood and the feminine heart.

With all of that said, I have come to passionately appreciate women of all ages and what they have to offer, perhaps because I am starting to become one myself. ;-) Because I have been so threatened by radical feminism, I have spent much of my young life straying as far away from their concepts as possible, and in doing so, underestimating the capabilities and strength of a woman. Get married, be a mommy-- this has been my motto and my dreams. And please, please hear me when I say that those two roles that only a woman can fill are so incredibly precious and special and miraculous, and in my eyes, deserve the highest honor and respect. Surely if you've read any of my writing before, you already know what a passion I have for my future identities as wife and mommy, if that's what God has in store for me! I ache to serve a husband with all that I have-- whether it's "in the kitchen" or through the constant forgiveness that any marriage requires; I ache to submit to his Godly and wise leadership in our marriage. I ache to hold my babies, to protect them, to celebrate their lives.


But. We were made for more than just this. Housewife or Working Girl-- you don't have to choose. Granted, the role of wife and mother is so significant, so large, that intentionally choosing to love your husband and love your child more than you love yourself is going to require sacrifice. But we weren't created to just sit still, biding our time until we can find the right (or wrong) man to define our identity as a woman. Our time as unmarried young women is not punishment or purgatory . . . It is an exploration and an adventure: a sacred gift of time that God has given us to focus our attention wholeheartedly on Him and seeing His beauty; allowing Him to reveal to us why He has us here and what gifts we as individual women can offer the world for His glory. Even as married women, our lives will be blessed if we continue this individual romance between ourselves and our Lord, because the Lord will never lead us selfishly away from our husbands--He will only teach us how to better serve them.

I am taking a class this semester that studies the in's and out's of one world culture, mine being India.  Having grown up in a culture whose biggest tragedy is having to wait too long in line, in our air-conditioned cars, at McDonald's, it has been eye-opening for me to realize that oppression, religious intolerance, and poverty are viciously alive and running all around the world today. And it is breaking my heart. Today's class was all about the caste system, and women. I will do my best to relay the facts as I have understood them, but forgive me if my understanding of these concepts is fairly simple or misunderstood.  In Indian villages (which make up 75 percent of Indian civilization) the caste system is still alive and well. Your family is born into a status that determines what job you will have, what man you will marry, what kind of food you can eat or sell, and how other people will treat you. It is nearly impossible to change castes, and unless your entire family is attempting to move up on the scale together for years and years, there is zero hope for you to ever have a different life than the one you were born into. Women of lower castes, termed the "Untouchables" (which are the predominantly largest caste stages in terms of population) have it worst. Besides the rigorous, never-ending, manual labor and indentured servanthood, things aren't much better at home. You're not pickin' your husband, you're not hoping to find true love. You're only praying that your chosen husband is tolerable and somewhat kind to you. Forget about going to school, ever. If you're literate, you're in the vast minority. Because sending a girl to school, would clearly be dangerous to the family. A girl that shames the family and runs off with a boy she met at school, is thought better dead than alive . . . literally. A bright, strong-willed girl is said to make adults shake their heads and sigh, what a good boy she would have made.

I read today about a song that many girls sing while they work that expresses their hopes and fears:

O innocent Shivji, my younger sister is going to school while riding on a motorbike.
O Shivji, she studied to the sixteenth class and joined the army. 
She beat the policeman with four sticks and hurt them, and the police grabbed her and took her away.


Translation: Indian village girls going to school, riding motorbikes (other than on the back, sitting sidesaddle) studying and joining a prestigious and competitive professional option for young, educated men. Mhm. A girl can only dream.

I could write about this all day and how much it hurts my heart that women even today, in contemporary society, are under-valued, denied any education or voice, helpless to sexual violence, and hopelessly in bondage to the life that someone else has scripted for them. Many speak for these girls, but who speaks on their behalf? Who fights for their dignity?


I am feeling pretty spoiled today, and extremely blessed. On this side of Heaven, I will never understand why I have been blessed to be born into a society that has offered me and other women more opportunities than we even realize. I am so completely thankful for that today. Why me, Lord? Why me. I can only pray that I will listen and follow as the Lord shows me why I have been so graciously given the gifts of education, freedom, choice, financial security, and most importantly, a voice, so that I can somehow in this short life I have use them for good to speak on behalf of those who can't speak for themselves. Anyone who ever hears me being anything less than devastatingly grateful for the life I have been given, feel free to punch me in the forehead, sweet honey-child.

ps. I'd like to share with you my newest adventures and blessed opportunities ;-) This is my last summer before I graduate with an undergrad degree! (ummm...how did this happen?! I just got here!) For the summer, I will be the media intern for Second Story Wedding Studio, a business that is centered around planning and creating something beautiful for any kind of special celebration! Ooooh, friend, this has my name all over it. SO worth celebrating. :-) I will mostly be writing daily blogs for the wedding and parenting websites affiliated with Second Story. I am absolutely delighted-- not to mention I will be working alongside some fabulous women and calling this precious studio my "office!" That's enough to make me wake up and go to work every morning!

Ok, as if that was't enough, the end of my summer will be celebrated with 12 days in Italy and Greece with my roomate, sweet Laura. We are traveling with EF College Break, a program that provides the most affordable and convenient international travel on the block. Their emphasis on experiential and hands-on learning means total immersion in other cultures. Laura and I will be traveling with other college students from across the United States, developing new friendships while we roam the streets of Rome. ;-) Oh friend, I can't wait to share with you what I learn and see and taste (Italy, duh) this summer! Let's hope my growth will bless many more than my little self. This is one little lady that'll be ridin' that forbidden motorbike into the wind, front seat, one leg on each side. ;-)

xoxo. jlf